1. |
Sensory overload one.
01:15
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SENSORY OVERLOAD ONE
I had a dream I was somebody else
Black hair flowing like a flag half-mast
I looked in the mirror and i grated my teeth
I don't want to go back
I got an idea and i tore myself open
And my eyeballs got wide
And i felt sick and i crouched by the toilet
I let myself go
When I wake I feel
Water meet flesh and the water feels real
When i taste blood it tastes like steel
When i get broken i can heal
When i get broken i can heal
When i get broken i can...
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2. |
How to relax.
04:52
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HOW TO RELAX
I couldn't fall asleep when I woke six-thirty this morning
Lately I can never relax, 'cause I'm scared of missing something
I made breakfast in a daze and i ate it the same way
And i stared at a cell phone and i stared at a television screen
I need them badly
I need these things to make me feel alive
And I wanna feel alive, or at least try
I'm getting old
And you are getting older slowly
I'll always have you beat by just that much, isn't it funny?
I have some voices when I need some, but they're sometimes not enough
I don't know why but it doesn't feel right
It doesn't feel right. It just doesn't feel right
I went to bed softly and I woke up all by
Myself, quietly
Aren't you proud of me?
Let my heart beat, it's slowing down too fast
Be with me
You won't like me when I'm lonely
I never want to go to sleep 'cause I don't wanna miss a minute of your company
i catch breaks sometimes and it's quite nice but it's somehow not enough
And i don't know why but it doesn't feel right
It doesn't feel right, I don't know why, but it doesn't feel right
I'm not at home in my own house tonight
All the little people are right now walking to work
I can watch em through the cracks in the wall, I know how bad they hurt
And no one wants to be where they are, and no one wants to be where they're going
Some people understand what being human is - I don't know, I don't think i wanna know
I need a friend
I need a semblance of a little hope
I will forget everything I've ever known and memory is the first thing to go
Memory is the first thing to go
Memory is the first thing to go
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3. |
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EVERYTHING FILED UNDER CONTROL
I feel my arms slump backwards and I know I must be falling to bits
I get a little bit hungrier by the second
I get a phone call but I know it's just a long tone, a beeping sound that starts quickly
Then goes
Misguided
Not quite bad, and not quite wrong exactly
Something's gone, something's missing
Misguided and longing for the ones I used to love
The ones who sit on porches all day long
They scream for help and flail their arms
When seemingly nothing's wrong
They scream for help
And flail their arms
You'd think that someone beautiful was always in their sight
The way they stutter, the way they gaze in awe
Mouths agape, nerves flying round
Faces shaking, lips stained brown from a birthday cake
I don't wanna be loved
By anyone else
I don't wanna be loved by anyone else
As long as I live, I don't wanna be loved
By anyone else as long as I live
I live, I live
The ones I knew keep me satisfied
They're enough, enough, enough for me
(enough for me, enough for me)
I watch the world burn from a lawn chair in front of the house
And it gives me this sick and wonderful feeling, this pleasurable feeling
Rumbling in my distended little stomach
It makes me wonder why I graduated second grade
What did I ever learn in second grade that came in handy again?
Ever again?
I learned to add and multiply
Maybe even subtract and divide
All ways to count the ones I used to love that fade away from me one by one
That fade away from me one by one
The ones I used to love fade away from me one by one
I don't wanna be loved by anyone else as long as I live
I don't want to be loved by anyone else
I don't want to be loved by anyone else as long as I live
I don't wanna be loved by anyone else as long as I live
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4. |
Pine grove mills.
05:03
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PINE GROVE MILLS CEMETERY SONG
Sleep on couches, borrow toothpaste from drugstores
Visit shelters, eat enough
Live in any way you can, and try to find
Diamonds in the rough
Something will appear and take you far from here
I don't know what it says, I don't know if it talks
But no one in this town will miss you when you're gone
And every scratch you made will wash right off
Humans crafted out of plaster watch their young
Human cans of spray paint, human detonating bombs
Walls and floors and ancient lighting will wash away in time
And I'll wait with you for that day to arrive
Ignorance is bliss, lying feels so good
But it's lost its touch, like we knew it would
Come up here and save us, I'll say anything you want
Show a little mercy to your hopelessly lost son
If I told you I was better, would you trust me?
Would you finally calm down?
I have spoken to the ghosts here and they like me
Would you believe, these things will work themselves out? (will work themselves out)
I'm losing sense of it, and losing feels so good
I believed the movies when the movies said it would
May my spirit now be helpless, may it join the rotting walls
Don't stop listening to my faint and whining call
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5. |
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A GREAT PLACE FOR A METEOR
When the meteor comes, how will you say it to your parents?
Maybe it wasn't your fault and these things tend to happen.
When you start taking charge of yourself and your body won't do what you tell it to
That's how you know you're gonna get buried where you stand
When you called out for help, did you really make a decision that this is not your favorite way of living
Or was it all for show?
When you scream and cry, you're gonna try to hide. You're gonna let your mind wander and let the tears fly
Everyone has a purpose
Do they squeeze out one by one?
Do they flood?
Do they force themselves out faster than you can push 'em?
If you're anything like that, you're not the only one
So let them come
Let the men with the bright orange jackets
Tear apart our house while we're inside
Let them come
Let the bills and the letters and warrants
Pile up outside the door
Who do you think they think they're bringing them here for?
When your mind tells you to forget every minute we spent together let it happen, let it happen
When you're fine and everything's back to normal and you don't know what to do, know that not everything has to be so hard
When you finally sleep
You will have a dream
That everything is back to way it used to be
Is that possible anymore? I don't know-
-so let them come
Let the tears make their own decisions
Let them arrive without calling first
Let them come
Offer them a bed for the night
This place becomes a part of you
Your soul stays warm and your heart stays true
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6. |
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GDZIE DIABEL MOWI DOBRANOC
(WHERE THE DEVIL SAYS GOODNIGHT)
Every time I wanna watch a film, I think really hard of watching a film
And I don't watch a film, I don't watch a film
I don't watch a film, I just sit there
And every time I stumble out of bed, I think really hard of doing something
I don't do anything
I don't do anything
I don't do anything, I just stand there
I am tall, soft and skinny, and handsome and pretty and strange
I won't look at mirrors 'cause mirrors think they know what I look like, but mirrors don't know anything
And I think I believe there's a god and I think that that god looks just like me
On the inside, everybody's ugly
And when I dream, I'm a girl
She looks nothing like me, but
She lives in my heart, she lives in my heart
She lives in my heart, that's where she lives
When I'm alone, I whisper
Words I never would say
To anyone but myself, to anyone but myself
To anyone but myself, to anyone but myself
I'm smart enough to keep my mouth shut
But wise enough to know I can't keep it in
I need to let go of some stuff or I'll never be capable of happiness
Happiness is a wonderful feeling that I'm missing out on, o-oh-h
I can't promise much, but I promise I'm fine
So don't try to treat me like a child
Don't try to treat me like a child, a child
Hmm-mm
Friends tell me I've changed
I block my ears, can't hear what they say, so
No one's gonna change my mind
I wish I could change my mind
So don't try to look at my insides
Don't try to look at my insides, 'cause
My insides are crowded and loud and they're bloody and broken and sick
There's nothing in there that I wouldn't change
And I don't have anything better to do that just lie down and cry
Than lie down and cry
Don't try to treat me like a child
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7. |
Sensory overload two.
02:06
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SENSORY OVERLOAD TWO
I feel dread because the things that show the numbers are not showing the ones I want them to show
I'm upset when things don't go my way
My imagination shows me scenes of violence
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8. |
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THE WONDERFUL THINGS I'LL DO
The angels hovering overhead were amateurs
They needed still more practice they were not cut out to save
The dead at heart, or
At least, not yet
Like me, they weren't quite ready for accomplishing their destiny
And I pushed the thoughts away
Of the consequences I was bringing on the world today
And every future day and
Something sharp and cold
Struck me in my bones
And I went the only place I felt I could go
But I did it all for love
I did it with the hope that you'd forgive me, and
Tears swam down my face for the hundred-thousandth time
I want to keep inside
The things I feel are important and deserve to be inside
I don't want to share
A single word
Or anything I've learned
I heard noises grow louder and fall softer
Depending on the noise
The ones that I ignored every day except right then were singing in unison, and
They helped me relax
I did it for your sake
I did it so you'd never have to see me
Wake up in the middle of the night, screaming like a tire
I never wanted to make
A single mark on this world anyway
Don't think about me when I'm gone
Find my body and move on, find my body and move on.
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9. |
Your little boy heart.
04:27
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YOUR LITTLE BOY HEART
Your little boy heart can hear the jeers of all your classmates and your teacher and your mother and your dad
Your little boy heart, it gets confused with all the ruckus, 'cause it,
It doesn't think it's done anything that bad
You've done nothing wrong
You can grow your hair long
If you wanna
When you hate yourself like you do
You gotta give all your love to the folks around you
'Cause if you don't use it up, it's never gonna get used up
And it'll rot inside you and your heart will overflow
When you go downtown I hate that look on your face that says "I hope nobody notices I'm scared 'cause that's embarrassing," and
When you come back home I know your home is not a home in that you
Never feel at home or cozy there
And you hate bein' alone
That's why you hate bein' at home
'Cause it's lonely
When you hate yourself like you do
You gotta give all your love to the ones around you
'Cause if you don't use it all, no one's gonna fall
For the deception that you're just a normal kid
When you hate yourself like you do
You gotta give all your love to the ones around you
'Cause if you don't use it up, it's never gonna get used up
And it'll clog your insides and fuck up your brain
It'll rot inside you and your heart will overflow
It'll scream inside you
It'll scream inside you
It'll scream inside you and rot out your heart.
Heaart~
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10. |
O men of Athens.
03:51
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O MEN OF ATHENS
A wise man once said there's a song in every one of us"
But that was long ago, and I don't think it still applies
It's the perfect crime to steal things from your mind
When it doesn't wanna give em up
'Cause you know it better than the back of your hand
I don't wanna lose my touch
I don't wanna be a normal kid, play video games and waste my time
And make a shitload of money, and spend it all at Best Buy
Maybe I'll feel better when the songs die
I'm getting scared that I'm not suffering enough
Or caring about anything enough to make it art
Literally all I ever think about is how not to run out of steam
What am I gonna do when I forget how to feel shit
No one ever said that these would keep on coming
I hold myself to too-high standards, set too many goals
And it's destructive, I'd kill myself if it would make me famous
Maybe I'll just let the songs die
I'm losing my touch
Maybe I'll quit music and be happy and get a real job
Is it worth it to be empty, and give your insides away?
Maybe I'll just let the songs die
The world's revered musicians are more famous than most presidents
They got bitches, they got fame
They helped a lot of people just like me not go insane
If I help somebody do that, then maybe they would somehow fix me back
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11. |
Sensory overload three.
01:24
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SENSORY OVERLOAD THREE
I saw the devil looking down at me
(inaudible)
(inaudible)
huddle by the heater
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12. |
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THE DISEMBODIED HEAD OF PHILIP K. DICK
As the white walls washed over me, i can't say i felt anything specifically
It was a lot of things at once, and i heard a sound
Like warping metal and i pondered scientifically about
What it could be
And I search frantically for anything
Before i have time to realize
What i am and where i've ended up
What i'm for and why i can't get up
I know it's too late
When memory rushes in
And i keep my mind an empty slate as best i can,
It gets tough
It's tougher than i thought it'd be, as the answer
Came clear to me, i rolled out my plan
I remember happy times but nothing in great detail
The good gets pretty good when the getting's pretty good
And i can't quite remember that, but i can somehow tell it happened
I cannot feel hate, i cannot feel fear
Purely logically, the only winning move is not to play
I know it's too late
When memory rushes in
When memory rushes in
I search frantically for anything
To keep me for an instant
Any reason to go on
Any reason not to fall apart
And i crumble nice
The way i was before the operation
The head hits the ground
It was silent, no one was around
No one was around
I cannot feel want
I cannot feel need
I know i've done right
When memory fades from me
I cannot feel want
I cannot feel need
I know i've done right
When memory fades from me
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13. |
More of the same.
04:09
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MORE OF THE SAME
Walking on sunshine is fine and well
Talking to yourself is better, as is changing the subject
When they mention you
Are you ashamed of what you do
When no one's watching you?
When they ask you, just laugh
No, really, while we're here, let's honestly ask:
Would it be so bad
To give up chance and always know what's coming?
It's more of the same
The day i had
Was not great but i can't stop myself from praying
For more of the same
Some days i'm an ancient beast
Awakened from an ancient sleep
The drugs they put me on weren't strong enough for me
Are you ashamed of what you say
When no one's there to blame?
When they look at you, just laugh
No, really, while we're here, let's make it last
Would it be so bad
To give up now and leave the rest to others
To wonder what you could have been?
Out the window
Of our hotel room i see a movie theater
Screening more of the same
Would it be so bad
To give up now and leave the rest to others
To wonder what you could have been?
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14. |
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DANCE OF THE WILD BLACK RASPBERRY
(instrumental)
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15. |
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SENSORY OVERLOAD ONE (REPRISE)
I had a dream I was somebody else
Black hair flowing like a flag half-mast
I looked in the mirror and i grated my teeth
I don't want to go back
I got an idea and i tore myself open
And my eyeballs got wide
And i felt sick and i crouched by the toilet
I let myself go
When I wake I feel
Water meet flesh and the water feels real
When i taste blood it tastes like steel
When i get broken i can heal
When i get broken i can heal
When i get broken i can...
Heal.
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16. |
The Rose
08:22
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(this is a cover song. i didn't write this.)
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we hold hands and we jump Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Surprising no one, the artist behind this music is a trans woman now. This project may be dead and gone, but she continues to write music with a new band called "Sherry CD-ROM".
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