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Childhood After Childhood

from We Hold Hands And We Jump by we hold hands and we jump

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lyrics

An amalgamate of featureless bodies rolls into town
In a suitcase, on a bus
Shockwaves whistling and dancing
In the space between my legs

I find it hard to tell
Just where I end and you take over
Even at your slightest cold touch
My wings are clipped
It don't bother me much

Somehow you found me
I expected nothing less from a cruel and ironic god
I don't really want to stay and talk to you now
But i do
Anywhere we have to wait in line
I burn like wildfire
Anytime your hand glances my thigh
I sweat
I'm scared of being part of something
Anything at all

You are someone that i never want to see again
I honestly accept that but i cannot just forget the things we shared
We hid behind a locked door
And you hid behind your hair
You were a parasite and i was too
We would feed off of each other
We would snarl, drool, and choke on the bones
You'd give into my fantasies and make me sicker
One big group delusion
Paranoid and choking all the way home

I couldn't
I really shouldn't
We're still hacking up the pieces in the garbage can
I know how simple it seems
I hate how easy it can be
To give into your habits
To fall into patterns

I will never be whole again
Never join the party, join the legion
Getting married just seems so far-fetched
I could stay alone, and i'll be relatively happy here alone
And live my life, least for a while
I'm unfixable
It comes as no surprise that
The half of me that i don't like is eating me alive

I wake up alone
I wake up alone

...

I walk around defeated with no wallet and I'm thirsty
And it's a suffocating, awful time of night
I lay down on a park bench
When I touch my face, I poke right in the eyes

What's next for me
Just feel like this for my whole life?
No matter how I train
No matter who I fight
A chain with a broken link
Won't hold you all that tight

(I wish i was stronger!! I wish I was dead!!!)
Do I wish I was stronger, do I wish I was dead?
I am praying, but so vaguely that I make things worse instead
My wings are clipped and I get back in bed
Someday, someday soon, I'll walk out of here instead

credits

from We Hold Hands And We Jump, released March 18, 2017

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we hold hands and we jump Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Surprising no one, the artist behind this music is a trans woman now. This project may be dead and gone, but she continues to write music with a new band called "Sherry CD-ROM".

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